I'M SO GLAD OBAMA CLOSED GUANTANAMO BAY TORTURE CENTER.

AND I'M SO HAPPY OBAMA PUT AN END TO TORTURE FOREVER.

AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER THAT AMERICA DOESN'T RELY PRIMARILY ON MERCENARY THUGS TO MURDER PEOPLE WITH MY MONEY.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING US HAVE OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS BACK AND BURNING THE PATRIOT ACT.

OH, AND THANKS FOR ENDING RACIAL PROFILING.

AND THANKS FOR PUSHING FOR CLEAN ENERGY UNLIKE COAL OIL AND NUCLEAR.

AND THANKS FOR HOLDING THE WORLD'S MOST EVIL CRIMINALS ACCOUNTABLE.

AND I WOULD THANK YOU FOR ENDING THE WAR IN IRAQ AND TELLING EVERYONE WE'RE SUPER SORRY 'BOUT KILLING OVER A MILLION PEOPLE FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON AT ALL, BUT I CAN"T EVEN REMEMBER THAT WE WERE EVER THERE, IT'S BEEN SO LONG.

BUT MOSTLY, THANKS FOR NOT KILLING INNOCENT CHILDREN EVERY SINGLE HOUR OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.

WHAT AN AWESOME CARING HUMAN BEING YOU ARE. IT MUST HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE GREAT UNDERSTANDING OF THE IMPORTANCE OF LIFE THAT COMES WITH RAISING CHILDREN.

SO MAYBE I SHOULD THANK YOUR CHILDREN TOO. THANKS OBAMA'S GIRLS!